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The Continuing Awesome Adventures of Secret Nazi President!!!!11!!!1!!! Vol 34: Uber Allles erneut; Beta takes the skates

Posted by BakedPenguin | Aug 29, 2019 | Comic, Satire, Secret Nazi President | 209

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About The Author

BakedPenguin

209 Comments

  1. RegicidalManiac on August 29, 2019 at 11:05 am

    God bless RDA. He says what we’re all thinking.

  2. R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 11:05 am

    Helga. Yes. MOAR HELGA!

    • AlexinCT on August 29, 2019 at 2:03 pm

      She looks familiar….

  3. Tundra on August 29, 2019 at 11:12 am

    Man, you are on a roll!

    Excellent work, BP!

    Helga briefly made my ongoing supplier bullshit disappear. Glorious!

  4. CPRM on August 29, 2019 at 11:14 am

    It’s Springtime
    For Orange Hitler
    And Germany

    • Ted S. on August 29, 2019 at 2:42 pm

      Actually not. It looks like the extremist Greens Party is liable to make big gains, with the three leftist parties getting more seats than CDU/CSU/FDP.

  5. MikeS on August 29, 2019 at 11:14 am

    That was awesome, BP!

    Helga…mmmmm

    • MikeS on August 29, 2019 at 11:15 am

      Also, “Man-on-the-ground report” LOL

    • Sean on August 29, 2019 at 11:34 am

      She seems nice.

  6. The Late P Brooks on August 29, 2019 at 11:24 am

    “I don’t care how many gates you got, you won’t stop him.”

    QFT

    • AlexinCT on August 29, 2019 at 2:03 pm

      ZENU!

  7. Rhywun on August 29, 2019 at 11:29 am

    I can’t imagine why the regions most impacted by Merkel’s reckless migration and insane energy policies want a change. But let’s make it all about super-duper far-right Nazis.

    (I literally cannot find a balanced story about this stuff, at least on the front page of a search engine.)

    • BakedPenguin on August 29, 2019 at 12:06 pm

      Who would post an unbiased story? Doesn’t Germany have a lot of newspapers tied directly to political parties, or is that old news? (Yes, I know, distinction / difference, given most media’s obvious bias).

    • Ted S. on August 29, 2019 at 2:43 pm

      Worse, it’s the Greens who are making the biggest gains, at the expense of the SDP.

  8. R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 11:31 am

    Well, this is ugly.

    Jeffrey Dye declined to say if he plans to resign his post as President of the Passaic NAACP after several top Democrats urged him to move on.

    “I don’t talk to fucking Jews,” Dye told the New Jersey Globe during a very brief telephone interview. “Get the fuck out of here.”

    Incredibly, this is what Dye posted to refute the accusation that’s he an anti-semite.

    Ok To Everyone Looking At This Racist Bullshit I Want You To Be Clear, The Statement ( “I Don’t Talk To Fucking Jews” ) Is Simply A Lie By David Wallstien Who Is A Jewish Reporter For The New Jersey Globe. Now Tell David Wallstien To Let You Hear The Tape Which I Know Damn Well They Was Recording & I Promise You In Fact I Will Give That Person Who Has That On Tape $5,000.00 Dollars. What You Are Seriously Watching Here Is ( “COINTELPRO & JEWISH MEDIA PROPAGANDA ASSASSINATION HIT TEAM” ) At Work & It’s That Racist Gary Schaer Behind It All & He Is Using The Jewish Media To Get Me Fired From A Job “Which He Did For Me Telling The Truth About Israel & The Killing & Murder Of The Palestinian People & The Enslavement Of African People” I Want You All To Know This Isn’t Really About Jeffrey Dye This Is About Them Working Together To Use Me Against Our Governor Phil Murphy Who They Are Really After & Their Using Me & Others Like Me To Tarnish Our Governor Phil Murphy So He’s Not Successful In His Re-Election & ( “Gary Schaer & Hector Lora Who Are Both Former Republicans Are Using Both Parties To Get Rid Of Governor Phil Murphy. Why Do You Think They Was So Close To Former Governor Chris Christie” ) And They Want To Disrupt & Dismantle & Get Rid Of The Passaic NAACP And Me The President. When You Have Any Real Activist That Speaks Like I Do He’s A Threat & Dangerous To Any Racist That’s Trying To Destroy Black & Latino People To Advance Their Cause To Dictate & Control This World.

    • Sean on August 29, 2019 at 11:34 am

      That dude needs some medication.

      • Rhywun on August 29, 2019 at 11:38 am

        I Know Right? He Seems A Bit Off.

      • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:40 am

        He also needs lessons in how to be literate.

        • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 11:45 am

          I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rant where every single word was either capitalized or in all caps.

          • Tundra on August 29, 2019 at 11:57 am

            Herc?

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:58 am

            Well, you’ve just answered my question downthread.

          • MikeS on August 29, 2019 at 12:00 pm

            Seriously. Is that some sort of setting or does this dope actually hit the shift key for every word? Weird.

            Or copy and paste into Word > select all > “title case”? I mean, that would be even stupider, but…?

          • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 12:02 pm

            Who uses Word?

            /LibreOffice User.

          • kinnath on August 29, 2019 at 12:12 pm

            here

          • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 12:13 pm

            But you’ve admitted to being a computer-illiterate boomer.

          • kinnath on August 29, 2019 at 12:18 pm

            I am a boomer.

            I am not computer illiterate.

            While you youngster were wasting massive amounts of time on early internet discussion boards, I was married with two kids and routinely working 60 hours a week.

            Which is how you get the big house out in the countryside and a flashy sports car after the kids move out.

          • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 12:19 pm

            So what you’re saying is, you supported child labor laws to prevent competition for your own job?

          • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 12:19 pm

            You forgot “smokin’ hot trophy wife”.

          • MikeS on August 29, 2019 at 12:20 pm

            I’ve gotten it for free a couple times, every job I’ve worked at for 20 years has had, so I have it.

            I had Open Office for a while back in the day, but I’ve found it easier to give into the borg.

            And I don’t have an illogical hate of everything MS

          • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 12:21 pm

            It’s installed on the work computer, but the ribbon interface is so terrible, I keep going back to the one I can actually customize to include those features I actually use in a logical lawyout.

          • MikeS on August 29, 2019 at 12:23 pm

            OK…I do hate the ribbon. I hate the ribbon in any software, but everybody has gone to it.

            I just want my toolbars back!!!11!!!

          • kinnath on August 29, 2019 at 12:23 pm

            You forgot “smokin’ hot trophy wife”.

            I still have the one I started with 43 years ago.

            A promise is a promise.

          • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 12:30 pm

            We need some remedial shitlording instruction for kinnath, stat!

          • kinnath on August 29, 2019 at 12:31 pm

            Now that I have bought her several nice pistols, I am not interested in in pissing her off.

          • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 12:53 pm

            I hear ya. My wedding present to Mrs. Dean was Sig 9mm.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on August 29, 2019 at 11:35 am

      Whenever I start hoping that identity politics will tear the Democrats apart, I just remind myself that they’ve been surviving this particular rift for decades.

      • Rhywun on August 29, 2019 at 11:41 am

        I don’t know what kind of tricknology the Dems are using to keep their various bases from tearing each other apart but yeah it works.

        • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:47 am

          It’s called “perception of a common enemy”.

          The GOP used to understand this too, during the days of the “big tent”. Now, since the Tea Party Nat Pops crawled into the tent, it’s been a series of long knife nights, as first they came for the neocons, but I didn’t say anything as I was not a neocon. Now they’re coming for the libertarians…., etc., etc..

          • MikeS on August 29, 2019 at 11:51 am

            SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARD!

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:52 am

            Well, I was just owned.

          • Swiss Servator on August 29, 2019 at 12:12 pm

            DESTROYED. By FACTS and LOGIC!

          • The Hyperbole on August 29, 2019 at 12:22 pm

            Watch Mike S Eviscerate HM!!!!

          • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 12:38 pm

            pwnd

          • robc on August 29, 2019 at 1:20 pm

            Neocons were exiled Dems, so never belonged in the big tent anyway.

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:34 pm

            So were blue-collar “HANDS OFF MY MEDICARE!” teabaggers.

    • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:42 am

      Dye, who was fired Tuesday after anti-Semitic and racist social media posts surfaced in news reports, has a criminal history stretching back two decades that includes assaulting a police officer and cocaine possession.

      I wonder what is handle is on HnR?

      • Rhywun on August 29, 2019 at 11:47 am

        Phil Murphy seems to be working out exactly as expected. Sorry, New Jersey.

        • Sensei on August 29, 2019 at 12:12 pm

          Doing my best to get out of NJ, but it will take about another decade.

      • Swiss Servator on August 29, 2019 at 12:13 pm

        Um…. kind of hard to narrow that list down. From those qualifications, I mean.

        • Scruffy Nerfherder on August 29, 2019 at 12:39 pm

          Sounds more like a mayor of DC to me.

      • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:04 pm

        John?

      • invisible finger on August 29, 2019 at 2:20 pm

        “assaulting a police officer and cocaine possession”

        So he’s not ALL bad

    • ChipsnSalsa on August 29, 2019 at 12:53 pm

      needs more (((parentheses)))

    • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:06 pm

      Is there anything COINTELPRO can’t do?

      • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 1:07 pm

        Be ethical?

  9. Timeloose on August 29, 2019 at 11:37 am

    BP Great job as usual. I look forward to more stories in Germany.

    I think I missed the basis for the 11’s in the final SNP laugh. Is it simply a missed cap on the 1 to make the !?
    It’s also in the title. Secret Nazi President!!!!11!!!1!!!

    • Rhywun on August 29, 2019 at 11:44 am

      Old, old internet meme.

      See also: Eleventy!

      • MikeS on August 29, 2019 at 12:01 pm

        eLEVNTY!!!11!!

        • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 12:36 pm

          ROTFLMAO!

          • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 12:37 pm

            How old?

            twelve goddamn years

      • mikey on August 29, 2019 at 12:45 pm

        Thx I thought it was working off the News at 11:00 thing.

    • BakedPenguin on August 29, 2019 at 11:45 am

      It came from earlier days on the Internets. The idea being some raging, basement dwelling keyboard warrior who was so serial about his (or her) cause, they’d add tons of exclamation points to the end of their poorly constructed, profane statements regarding ideas someone else believed in. THAT WERE <em<WRONG!!!1!!1!Either the rage or poor muscle control would cause them to occasionally slip a finger from the Shift key, causing ones.

      • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:49 am

        That we have to explain this makes me hate fucking Generation Z.

        • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 11:50 am

          I blame touchscreen phones with internet connections.

          Just because.

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:52 am

            I’ll buy that for a dollar!

          • Timeloose on August 29, 2019 at 11:54 am

            That one I get.

          • MikeS on August 29, 2019 at 11:57 am

            He was being serious!

        • kinnath on August 29, 2019 at 11:55 am

          I didn’t know this either (boomer, not gen-z).

          • robc on August 29, 2019 at 1:17 pm

            Too old.

            Us Xers got it. And Mahk from gen Y would get it too.

          • leon on August 29, 2019 at 1:39 pm

            I can’t behind ahm a fuckin millennial…

      • Timeloose on August 29, 2019 at 11:51 am

        I’m probably as old as ya’ll

        • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:55 am

          I’m just busting balls.

          • Timeloose on August 29, 2019 at 11:59 am

            Don’t make me get out my ROFLcopter or dancing baby.

          • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:39 pm

            Whatever Hitler.

      • BakedPenguin on August 29, 2019 at 11:56 am

        Or what Rhywun said.

      • whiz on August 29, 2019 at 1:19 pm

        Earlier days of the internet? That’s recent history.

        I remember my grad school days (early 80’s) of working on a paper 8 AM to midnight (with breaks for meals, of course), sending my results to a collaborator in the UK, going to bed, and then getting up the next morning to read the email from him and repeating the process all over again. Busy days.

  10. The Late P Brooks on August 29, 2019 at 11:38 am

    “I don’t talk to fucking Jews,” Dye told the New Jersey Globe during a very brief telephone interview. “Get the fuck out of here.”

    “GO BACK TO HYMIE TOWN.”

  11. Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 11:51 am

    Balding volcel geeks out over Ep. 9 trailer.

    • Private Chipperbot on August 29, 2019 at 11:57 am

      I bet he has the same look on his face when the altar boys come into the building.

    • CPRM on August 29, 2019 at 12:06 pm

      Thought it would be this. (watch til end to see why this is so HM)

      • BakedPenguin on August 29, 2019 at 12:19 pm

        That’s commitment to the bit. He destroyed a few hundred dollars worth of SW crap to make that vid.

        • CPRM on August 29, 2019 at 12:26 pm

          They do that kind of thing all the time.

      • AlexinCT on August 29, 2019 at 2:12 pm

        That dude made me feel real good that I could give a fuck about that franchise. Real men watch tentacle porn anyway.

      • Ted S. on August 29, 2019 at 2:51 pm

        I thought it would be Bruno Ganz.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on August 29, 2019 at 12:37 pm

      Ewwwwww

  12. AlmightyJB on August 29, 2019 at 12:02 pm

    We must ring in the aristocracy of our Ivy League betters. They’ve been coveting this Philosopher King Vanguard Status forever. What they fail to realize is the guillotine doesn’t care.

    https://quillette.com/2019/08/29/john-adams-and-the-search-for-a-natural-and-needed-american-aristocracy/

    • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 12:08 pm

      Because we want the Paris of May 1968 stomping on a human face, forever?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on August 29, 2019 at 12:33 pm

      We already have a nomenklatura.

      Adams was an insufferable prick who believed education and virtue increased in relatively equal amounts. The last 200 years should have disabused anyone of that notion.

      • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 12:34 pm

        To be fair, we kind of gave up on the whole “character education” thing.

        • leon on August 29, 2019 at 1:15 pm

          The strange thing is we still have insufferable moral scolds. We ditched the morality but keept the puritanism.

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:21 pm

            That’s actually the argument the argument of Kronman’s other book, Education’s End, published a decade ago.

      • robc on August 29, 2019 at 1:11 pm

        He also warned Jefferson against encouraging the French Revolution, as he predicted the exact outcome.

        He was an insufferable prick, but when he and Jefferson disagreed, he was almost always right (Alien and Sedition Acts being the obvious exception).

  13. AlmightyJB on August 29, 2019 at 12:07 pm

    “Lemme see ’em titties”

    Random drunken guy speaks wisdom.

    • Swiss Servator on August 29, 2019 at 12:15 pm

      *nods*

      Zenu comin’!

  14. Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 12:15 pm

    Can we go back to Youtube comments of 2011?

    • Raphael on August 29, 2019 at 12:28 pm

      Ron Paul 2020?

    • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:00 pm

      I would never use such foul language.

  15. Raphael on August 29, 2019 at 12:24 pm

    As always RDA is my spirit animal. Thanks for the work, and PRAISE ZENU.

  16. Rebel Scum on August 29, 2019 at 12:31 pm

    Titties. That is all.

  17. Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 12:51 pm

    I, too, would like to see Helga’s titties.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen on August 29, 2019 at 12:53 pm

      You? Hmm, I left my shocked face around here somewhere.

  18. Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 12:52 pm

    OT: This is a very intelligence and cogent article about the challenges facing the West wrt to China.

    https://pjmedia.com/richardfernandez/us-versus-china/

    • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:16 pm

      No offense, but it’s always amusing to me when conservatives paint China’s ascent as the result of a flinty-eyed realist disdain for “egalitarianism” that places FACTS and LOGIC over identity politics.

      Nothing could be further from the truth. Remember how the SAT was going to add “adversity points” and they just recently dropped that plan due to the uproar? China has given minority groups extra points on their national examinations just on the basis of their ethnicity since 1949. China also doesn’t tax minority-majority regions, provides for bilingual education, gives preferential treatment to minority-own business and minority candidates for jobs in the private and public sectors as a matter of national policy, as well as these groups always having been exempt from the one-child policy. He’s right that China is a “Rorschach test”, but that works both ways for the culture wars.

      While China is far from an innocent actor, the fact is that we wouldn’t have a ‘China problem’ if not for our direct policy of political, military, and economic antagonism towards the PRC in the Pacific, which was traditionally pursued by the “China hawks” in Democrat administrations and PNAC neocon-types until Trump flipped the script.

      • Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 1:19 pm

        China sounds like a bunch of Libtards.

        • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:24 pm

          I’ve never seen Ben Shapiro and Xi Jinping in a room together.

          And they’re like the same height.

          • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 1:25 pm

            I was pretty sure Xi was taller. But then again, I have no reference images of Shapiro in the same frame as anybody.

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:31 pm

            It’s also amusing that the BBC actually has an article on Xi’s height, which seems to be 5′ 10″ (or about 1.6 Shapiros). Much taller than I would have expected.

      • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 2:14 pm

        To me, the crying over the rise of China and their seemingly unstoppable drive for global dominance is all to reminiscent of the “Japan Is Going To Take Over” squawking from awhile back. It ignores fundamental weaknesses of China, which I fully expect to hamper and eventually cripple this latest Yellow Peril. Its a bunch of Communists running a hybrid and highly fascistic economy, with a huge population of agrarians/peasants.

        The likelihood that Beijing can manage its internal stresses, much less take over Asia, Africa, and the Pacific, without a major crackup seems to assume that a famously corrupt top-down economy is inherently superior and unstoppable. And as far as their expansionist plans go, empires traditionally bankrupt their home country, and China would be hard-pressed to claim any kind of military prowess unless they can throw unending human waves at their enemy,

        China is big, and is going to get richer and more influential. China is also run by thugs and sociopaths. This isn’t exactly new under the sun, and is certainly no existential threat to the US.

        • Gadfly on August 29, 2019 at 2:53 pm

          As long as the US maintains the strongest military and Russia and China are dissuaded from teaming up, there is nothing really to worry about. However, change both of those factors and I do think that there would be an existential threat to the current world order, but not the US itself. I don’t think any other nation or alliance would ever be capable of projecting enough power across the oceans to threaten the existence of the US, especially when the citizenry has over 300 million firearms. The worst that could happen is that a chastened US would have to retreat to the American hemisphere and cede the Old World to the new empires.

          • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 2:57 pm

            However, change both of those factors and I do think that there would be an existential threat to the current world order,

            You’d think Russia would have learned from the last time they entered into a non-aggression pact with an expansionist fascist country.

            Because I think it would the same way.

  19. Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 12:58 pm

    Somebody stared a little too deeply into those baby blues and now the front of his underpants is damp.

  20. Tundra on August 29, 2019 at 1:00 pm

    5 minutes left, kids!

    I think Helga would look great in this one!

    • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:03 pm

      It looks like a beautiful Gaz, but without Bluetooth I’m out.

    • BakedPenguin on August 29, 2019 at 1:06 pm

      Why, she’d look great in nothing at all!

      Seriously though, it’s not Violetta Manca. Get her a good Deutsches auto! (I can’t believe the price of that car.)

    • ChipsnSalsa on August 29, 2019 at 1:11 pm

      Let me go find a cash machine…

    • whiz on August 29, 2019 at 1:21 pm

      You need to give us more warning…

      • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 1:23 pm

        And let you snipe the auction?

      • Tundra on August 29, 2019 at 1:23 pm

        It’s still going. Quick! Empty your retirement account!

        • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 1:24 pm

          They take losing lotto tickets?

        • Tundra on August 29, 2019 at 1:27 pm

          Too late!

          It went to $120K. I love auctions!

    • mikey on August 29, 2019 at 1:56 pm

      *Sigh*

      Well. back to the effing overdrive. Maybe I put it back to gegether correctly this time.

  21. Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:09 pm

    OT: YouTube takes down Infowars again

    Infowars briefly returned to YouTube before being removed from the platform Thursday, a spokesperson for the video platform confirmed to The Hill.

    Globalists are such teases.

    • Suthenboy on August 29, 2019 at 1:20 pm

      Christ. What a bunch of retards the PC crowd is. Jones is a performer. His whole schtick is an act and he is trolling the hell out of them and the morons bite every time. Same with the 4-chan crowd. They giggle and dangle something in front of the SJWs noses and they lose their shit.
      Cats chase laser spot while humans laugh their asses off.

  22. Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    OT: Sometimes I do fear we may post-satire. We aren’t but sometimes…Dear Sebastian Maniscalco: MTV’s VMAs Were a Safe Space Until You Took the Stage (Guest Column)

    Sebastian, I want to challenge you to be an ally, to help people, to help me help people. I want to talk to you because I am a fan. We are all in this together and all of us have a critical role to play in our collective safety and well-being. We need to have courageous conversations about safe spaces and the VMAs gave us this golden gift of opportunity.

    I direct a safe space initiative called soteria., created by women who work within your industry that is strategically designed for large cultural events, festivals and concerts to prevent sexual harassment, misconduct and assault. We offer skilled compassionate care and respite to anyone experiencing distress including PTSD, crowd anxiety, dangerous or threatening behaviors and/or over-consumption. We help folks when they are most vulnerable in public. We develop protocols and training to help decrease incidents of violence. We want people to be able to really have fun and feel safe knowing that we are there when they need us.

    Survivors of shootings get triggered. Vets get triggered. Kids get triggered. Assault survivors get triggered in spaces where substance use is high and inhibitions are lowered. Flashbacks and overdoses happen. Queer folx, people of color, people with disabilities and women in general are all at a higher risk than you can ever possibly know.

    People of all genders, sizes, colors, nationalities, religions and political values have come to us for help. I’ve spent a lifetime so far doing the research for you and I promise: Safe spaces are necessary.

    I am a survivor of a kidnapping at 17 from a music festival that nearly ended my life; I needed a safe space when there wasn’t one. I’ve spent a career working with police chiefs across the country to help prevent youth homicide; these kids need a safe space. I recently attended and oversaw a space at a festival with hundreds of Route 91 survivors; those fans need a safe space.

    Your words were unnecessary considering what a success your time onstage had been up until that point, and deeply painful for those of us who work to help people feel safe and included. Your words shamed people who may need care.

    Your words also have tremendous power in that you are visible and have incredible reach. But we need you as an ally, not a mocker. You could help us save people. Come have a conversation about what we can do to make the world safer, more inclusive and fun for everyone.

    We need you on the team. We will have a stress ball and a blankie ready. You are Safe with Us. And we are all in this together.

    Can’t wait to laugh again.

    Sebastian is a swarthy Jim Gaffigan. Also during the VMAs a heavy danced in front of a large model of a big bottom.

    • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:19 pm

      FYI: Folx, an alternative spelling of the word folks, is a gender neutral collective noun used to address a group of people

      • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 1:21 pm

        That’s just plain stupid.

        • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:23 pm

          Hipster, we need you as an ally, not a mocker.

          • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 1:25 pm

            You clearly don’t know me very well if you think either ‘Hipster’ or ‘Ally’ apply to me.

          • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:30 pm

            You are clearly a hipster.

      • ChipsnSalsa on August 29, 2019 at 1:30 pm

        So then what gender is “folks”?

        • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:32 pm

          White.

          • Don Escaped Texas on August 29, 2019 at 1:34 pm

            I’ll play along

            what gender is “folk?”

          • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 1:38 pm

            Two-Spirit.

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:42 pm

            Well, if you want a serious answer, in modern English, (most) nouns aren’t declined by gender, so the correct answer is “SYNTAX ERROR” as the question doesn’t make sense. But if you follow its etymology, you’ll see that the word was always treated as neuter in Old English and its cousin languages.

          • Gadfly on August 29, 2019 at 3:03 pm

            I think I’ve found my new pronoun:

            folc m

            1. thunderbolt

  23. SugarFree on August 29, 2019 at 1:24 pm

    Do you people see it? Do you see how it is all coming together?!?

    • Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 1:25 pm

      Lesbian orgy with all the busty correspondents?

    • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:28 pm

      Yes! Some people are unaware of a REAL war going on now between a globalist cabal and freedom-loving patriots. The issue is whether the U.S., along with the entire world, will be dominated by a few trillionaire satanist cannibals or by We The People. The importance of this conflict cannot be overstated. It is not dramatic to say that the cabal has a plan to destroy 90 percent of the world’s population and enslave the rest. What reads like a sci-fi novel is, in fact, the real world we live in. Those with closed minds will scoff. Honest, good-hearted people who want the truth, no matter how painful, will read this comic and join a world-wide awakening with the millions who are not afraid to face the facts and fight for our future.

      #TrustThePlant #QContinuum #WWF1WWE #KAGG96.1FM

      • SugarFree on August 29, 2019 at 1:39 pm

        I may not like you, but in this we are brothers. BROTHERS!

      • Dr. Fronkensteen on August 29, 2019 at 1:39 pm

        Do you have a newsletter?

        • Lord Humungus on August 29, 2019 at 1:41 pm

          something something waxed stamp

        • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:43 pm

          I have a Pornhub channel.

          • Dr. Fronkensteen on August 29, 2019 at 1:48 pm

            I’m not clicking on that.

          • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:53 pm

            I assume it’s full of obese women with large behinds and second-tier trans actresses.

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:56 pm

            You want beef?

            Last time we met on the battlefield we were equals, but here I am a GOD*!

            *Well, an edit fairy, but you get the point.

          • Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:59 pm

            I mean, I am hungry! (Get it?)

            Listen, if you are so insecure about your sub-par taste in trans actresses that you resort to editing my comments, well that is on you, sir.

            And really someone has to tweedle your nips a little.

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 2:04 pm

          • Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 2:29 pm

            https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3650806/

      • Tundra on August 29, 2019 at 1:41 pm

        Why only leave 10% for slaves?

        • UnCivilServant on August 29, 2019 at 1:42 pm

          The rest are too ugly.

          • Dr. Fronkensteen on August 29, 2019 at 1:46 pm

            You would need a breeding program to improve the quantity and the beauty of the slaves. Of course part of the problem would be that beauty is in part subjective.

      • Raphael on August 29, 2019 at 2:06 pm

        Hell yeah, brother.

      • Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 2:07 pm

        “#QContinuum”

        Don’t doxx me bro.

        Also, the trillionaire Satanist cannibals will only eat post-birth aborted fetuses up to age 20.

  24. Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    GAY

    https://pagesix.com/2019/08/28/joel-schumacher-estimates-hes-had-up-to-20000-sexual-partners/

    • Lord Humungus on August 29, 2019 at 1:35 pm

      ewwww

    • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 2:19 pm

      He’s 79, so we’ll round it to 60 years of being active. That’s almost exactly one unique fucktoy per day, every single day.

      Possible, but not really plausible.

      • Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 2:21 pm

        Well, there might have been days with (many) more than one.

      • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 2:27 pm

        Or one visit to the bathhouse every weekend for 20 years.

  25. Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:44 pm

    OT: Time for another race war Ohio homeowner shoots dead two 17-year-old boys who were ‘trespassing’ inside his garage at night

    • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:47 pm

      I could have sworn I read about a similar incident a few months back.

    • Florida Man on August 29, 2019 at 1:59 pm

      I probably wouldn’t have confronted them, but at the same time, don’t rob people and your chances of being shot drop dramatically.

      • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 2:14 pm

        We don’t know if they were burglarizing or just sneaking into someplace to drink some beers and smoke pot. From a quick web search, it seems Ohio has pretty weak SYG laws, so this dude might be fucked.

        • Florida Man on August 29, 2019 at 2:28 pm

          I guess it’s possible, but why not drink and smoke pot in the woods like a normal person?

        • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 2:32 pm

          FTA:

          a local outlet, says one of the teenagers’ father’s believed they knew the shooter and had been in the garage before.

          ‘It wasn’t in your house, it was in your garage.

          ‘That’s like 10 feet away from your house,

          Yeah, sex game gone bad.

        • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 2:48 pm

          Going from the picture, they may have thought the place was abandoned, a point in favor of the “jes’ havin’ us a little party” narrative.

          • whiz on August 29, 2019 at 3:02 pm

            Also, from Google Maps it looks like the garage in back doesn’t even have tracks leading from it to the alley behind. Very much looking abandoned or at least unused.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr on August 29, 2019 at 2:32 pm

      Javier’s father Jimmy said he should not have fired his weapon because the teens were in his garage and not his house.

      ‘It wasn’t in your house, it was in your garage.

      ‘That’s like 10 feet away from your house, you know so that means you’re seeing some perps out there at your garage, you know, so my first instinct is to call the police,’ he said.

      Its the same thing in almost every story. Some family member out there bitching to the media that their kid/nephew/grandson got shot and it isn’t fair because they were only B&Eing.

      • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 2:38 pm

        Maybe one of the Buckeye glibs can comment: WTF is up with that house? Would the cops do that, or did the home owner board up all his windows and his front door?

        This dude may be a bit on the paranoid side.

      • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 2:52 pm

        One legal issue might be whether a detached garage is still considered part of your “home” or “abode” or whatever term is used in the law.

        I think the guy’s in trouble, though. There’s nothing that indicates he felt threatened, only that he thought he was being robbed.

        • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 3:01 pm

          Is it part of the curtilage?

          • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 3:11 pm

            Under common law, it would be, as the curtilage is the area immediately around the house, including any structures. I think the classical castle doctrine applied only inside your residence, though. Stand your ground laws generally extend the “no duty to retreat” part of the castle doctrine outside your house.

            Also, it looks like the dead “kids” knew they guy; if so, they knew it wasn’t abandoned and is a strike against the “jes’ havin’ us a little party” narrative.

        • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 3:08 pm

          According to this dude, in Ohio, Castle Doctrine only applies to buildings constructed for the intended purposes of sheltering someone when they are sleeping. As such, it seems that this incident would be covered under their SYG laws, which require a duty to retreat unless you are in a vehicle.

          • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 3:12 pm

            That’s kind of not what stand your ground laws are supposed to do. They generally remove or weaken the duty to retreat, not enshrine it in statute.

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 3:17 pm

            Perhaps some Ohio Glibs can weigh in.

          • kinnath on August 29, 2019 at 3:21 pm

            https://www.clevescene.com/scene-and-heard/archives/2018/12/07/ohio-legislature-passes-gun-bill-after-stand-your-ground-provision-removed

            Fri, Dec 7, 2018

            Ohio Legislature Passes Gun Bill After ‘Stand Your Ground’ Provision Removed

            Legislators in Ohio’s state Senate today stripped contentious, so-called “stand your ground” language from a bill designed to loosen gun regulations. The Ohio House adopted the same language.

          • kinnath on August 29, 2019 at 3:14 pm

            So their Stand-your-ground law doesn’t actually allow you to stand your ground.

        • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr on August 29, 2019 at 3:09 pm

          I agree, he’s probably gonna spend a long time in jail.

          I’m a bit torn on it. Often in these cases, the goons are run off multiple times by the property owner and the cops don’t give half a shit about it. Property owner gets fed up, takes the gun out there next time and shoots them.

          How many times can you say “get the fuck out and stay out” before you can ratchet up the force? Is it just the fact that he used deadly force that makes it a headline story??

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 3:12 pm

            No. The 911 call is hilarious!

    • Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 2:40 pm

      Shorter article comments:

      “Blimey I’m glad I live in the UK and am a slave!”

      • Raston Bot on August 29, 2019 at 2:51 pm

        i’m tempted to get a DailyMail account just to troll those pussies.

    • Raston Bot on August 29, 2019 at 2:51 pm

      confined space. your property. two men.. sorry, 17-year old “kids”.

      fear for your life?

      if yes, then good shoot.

    • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 3:01 pm

      The 911 call sounds like one of those prank calls by Ownage Pranks where he calls Taco Bell restaurants using his Mexican character.

  26. DrOtto on August 29, 2019 at 1:50 pm

    This is why I get all my news from Newsish.

  27. Crusty Juggler on August 29, 2019 at 1:52 pm

    OT: Twenty-two women file lawsuit against the adult subscription website Girls Do Porn claiming they were conned into filming x-rated scenes

    The lawsuit alleges that the company made millions in profits by coercing young women into the scenes, by initially advertising themselves online as a modelling website and lying to them about the conditions of the scenes.

    The agreement was five sexual positions, each for around seven minutes and that it would be filmed in a San Diego hotel, with return flights to the city covered by them.

    ‘He said it would be 30 minutes of filming sex,’ Doe 15 recalled in court. ‘He said it would be $5,000 dollars. He said specifically about five positions, five to seven minutes each. He would fly me out to San Diego, pay for a hotel.

    Meanwhile, the adult film star, called Andre Garcia, only paid her $3,000 and not the agreed higher sum because ‘she was pale and had bruises.’

    Despite agreements to the contrary, Doe 15 claims the videos were quickly circulated online and her entire friendship group and many college peers became aware.

    If we can’t trust our pornographers who can we trust?

    • Dr. Fronkensteen on August 29, 2019 at 2:00 pm

      If you ever needed a written contract this would be the time and place for it. I hope the plaintiffs get made whole.

    • Trolleric the Goth on August 29, 2019 at 2:03 pm

      Additionally, it affected her relationship with her boyfriend, a college baseballer who was left ‘humiliated.’

      yeah, I’d say it would.

    • Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 2:09 pm

      And worst of all he made her do SIX positions!

    • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 2:22 pm

      The lawsuit alleges that the company made millions in profits by coercing young women into the scenes, by initially advertising themselves online as a modelling website and lying to them about the conditions of the scenes.

      The agreement was five sexual positions, each for around seven minutes and that it would be filmed in a San Diego hotel, with return flights to the city covered by them.

      Something doesn’t add up here.

      • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 2:23 pm

        You’ve never heard of “predatory” lending? This is “predatory” porning.

        • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr on August 29, 2019 at 2:44 pm

          STEVE SMITH FIND OLD CAMCORDER FROM 90S AND DO PREDATORY PORNING. ONLY ONE POSITION. PAY PEOPLE HIS TREE TRUNK AND TWO ACORNS, AND BY PAY MEAN RAPE.

      • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 2:34 pm

        Maybe they told them it was going to be a non-commercial, private collector gig? Apparently they do exist.

        • Dr. Fronkensteen on August 29, 2019 at 2:40 pm

          Hmm, a non-commercial, private collector gig with the collector as one of the participants. I’m sensing a new business model here for an old profession.

        • R C Dean on August 29, 2019 at 2:55 pm

          only on the understanding that the videos would not include any identifying information, and would only be distributed to private collectors abroad

          I think you’re onto something. Still, that’s not coercion or lying about the conditions of the scenes.

          • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 3:00 pm

            Unfortunately, the maker of a lot of Red Head Redemption’s movies was honest and they are not to be found online.

  28. Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    Livestream from today’s Glibertarians meetup.

    • Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 2:11 pm

      Are we sure he wasn’t trying to hit the baby and missed?

    • Tundra on August 29, 2019 at 2:11 pm

      As the father of a daughter, that makes me a little angry.

      • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 2:15 pm

        Yep. How much of a piece of shit do you have to be to roundhouse your wife while she’s holding your kid?

        • Florida Man on August 29, 2019 at 2:29 pm

          He didn’t connect with the roundhouse, so how do we know he intended to kick her?

          • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 2:40 pm

            We don’t, but that’s why you don’t play stupid games like that.

    • Raphael on August 29, 2019 at 2:35 pm

      Christ, what an asshole.

  29. Q Continuum on August 29, 2019 at 2:36 pm

    “All we do is lie around, eat ice-cream, have sex, and take drugs”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7396585/Californias-homeless-crisis-engulfs-capital-Sacramentos-people-confront-naked-junkies.html

    OK, you’ve convinced me.

    • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 2:41 pm

      A waitress at Pancake Circus diner, identified only as 70-year-old Terri,

      *books flight to Sacramento*

    • Heroic Mulatto on August 29, 2019 at 2:43 pm

      Back when California had opium dens, we didn’t have this problem.

    • Not Adahn on August 29, 2019 at 2:52 pm

      Top Kek:

      Terri puts much of the blame on former California governor Ronald Reagan, who held office from 1967 to 1975.

  30. Raphael on August 29, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    Awesome, looks like Mr. Trebek is coming back. Hope his recovery and treatment keeps going well.

  31. BakedPenguin on August 29, 2019 at 2:52 pm

    Apropos of nothing – One news bit I thought of a few weeks back (when they had 24 candidates) was having the DNC announce that they’d hired a former LP strategist to advise them on their going-forward strategy. He’d basically announce a “let a hundred flowers bloom” strategy, certain that it would work as well as the original.

  32. DEG on August 29, 2019 at 4:57 pm

    Helga is not wearing a proper Dirndl. She should take it off.

    Excellent installment otherwise.

  33. westernsloper on August 29, 2019 at 9:40 pm

    They aint got no fish here all I see is sausages.

    HA! There are no libertarian fish.

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