ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL FOR LINKS ONLY OR FOR ADVICE ONLY – SO, USING THE MIGHTY COGITATION POWERS OF THE TABERNACLE, ZARDOZ CONCLUDED THAT A LITTLE OF EACH WOULD SUFFICE. THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF ADVICE AND LINKS….GO FORTH AND COMMENT!

Q: My girlfriend and I have lived together off and on for three years. We met at a lesbian bar in Los Angeles, and it was love at first sight for me.

I suspect she has been seeing another woman. She has changed her dress style and even her cologne. When I confront her, begging her to tell me if she’s been cheating, she laughs it off. We don’t communicate well anymore, and she’s sleeping in another room now.

I have cared for her for so long. We were going to be married. Now I feel she doesn’t love me anymore. I have tried following her, but she disappears and sometimes doesn’t come home for days. I haven’t slept or eaten in weeks.

I love her so much. If she doesn’t come back to me, I’ve had thoughts of suicide. I can’t afford a shrink. I hope you can help. — FREAKED OUT & CLUELESS IN CALIFORNIA

A: NORMALLY ZARDOZ IS APPALLED BY “RELATIONSHIP ADVICE” – HOWEVER, YOU HAVE FOLLOWED THE PROCLAMATION THAT THE PENIS IS EVIL. THUS, ZARDOZ WILL HELP. ZARDOZ WILL HAVE YOUR PARTNER TRANSPORTED TO THE VORTEX AND HAVE THE ETERNALS GO TO SECOND LEVEL WITH HER.

GO TO SECOND LEVEL AND DISCOVER THE TRUTH!

IF SHE HAS BEEN CHEATING, ZARDOZ OFFERS YOU TWO ALTERNATIVES. FIRST, SHE CAN BE RENDERED CATATONIC AND PLACED IN A PLASTIC WRAP…DON’T ASK, IT IS A VORTEX THING.

ZED, STAY HERE AND MAKE SURE SHE DOESN’T LEAVE.

OR SHE CAN BE SENT TO THE GRAIN FIELDS.

CHANGED COLOGNE, EH?

SHOULD THE TRUTH BE LESS BAD NEWS FILLED – RECONCILE AND STAY TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY.

WHAT A LOVELY COUPLE

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

 

AND THE LINKS:

  1. ZARDOZ EXPECTS THE PENNSYLVANIA BRUTAL ENFORCES TO BE SWAMPED WITH VOLUNTEERS.
  2. THAT IS A CLEANSING.
  3. IF THE CHOSEN ONE KNOWN AS “SUGARFREE” WISHES TO EXPAND HIS “HAT AND HAIR” FRANCHISE – PERHAPS HE SHOULD LOOK TO THE UK.

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.