John 3:16: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life.

But ā€¦ why?

The core tenet of Christianity from the git-go has been that Christ died to atone for our sins, which satisfies both justice and mercy.

But ā€¦ how?

I have never been quite clear how the torture and murder of a completely innocent man does anything at all for justice or mercy.


Once upon a time when I was a wee lass, about 8 or so, I was getting ready to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Eight is the age of accountability, when a person knows wrong from right. One thing we do is to make sure our 8-year-olds have a good understanding of the Atonement of Christ. Well, we try. Iā€™m not sure that is possible with every 8-year-old, but it sure worked a treat on me.

Did I know? Did I understand? Oh, hell by golly, yes, I did. And I didnā€™t like it. Not one bit. Though I could not articulate it and I wasnā€™t nearly as willing to be shocking as I am now, I knew exactly what it meant:

8-year-old me: Every time I sin, Jesus can feel all the pain of his crucifixion again.

51-year-old me: Every time I sin, I am contributing to the torture and murder of an innocent man.

Narrator: Then she went to a Southern Baptist private school for 9 years.

8-year-old me listening to ā€¦

Mormons: Weā€™re all going to one of 3 levels of heaven and the worst one is totally awesome. But you donā€™t want that; you want the best heaven, so forget those other two. Youā€™re better than that. You donā€™t want to be with those trashy losers in the lowest of heavens, so you need to work for it. Hard. ā€œBe ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.ā€ ā€” Matthew 5:48

Baptists: All you have to do to go to heaven is accept Christ into your heart as your personal savior. How big your mansion is on your street of gold and how many jewels you have in your crown depend upon your works, but you donā€™t have to work at all if you donā€™t want to. But if you donā€™t accept Christ as your personal savior, youā€™ll burn in an eternal lake of fire. ā€œBut what about murderers?ā€ If they say the prayer to be saved, theyā€™re good. ā€œBut what about the kids in Africa who never heard of Jesus?ā€ Collateral damage, sorry.

Yet I have been assured from the cradle by both Mormons and Baptists that God loves me. Yay me. I have the privilege of being loved by a Deity who is so cruel that he set up mutually exclusive commandments: Do not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and you must also be fruitful and multiply.

Oh, yeah, I got dunked understanding all this and I followed the logic all the way to its end and it was way too painful to contemplate, so I towed the party lion for years and years and years.

I hated Baptist theology for leaving all those poor ignorant bastards out in the cold with no mercy, while murderers could say a little prayer and go to heaven.

I hadnā€™t yet been able to articulate what I hated about Mormon theology that required perfect behavior (from people whose very purpose is to fail and learn) with no mercy, and the people who didnā€™t swear, didnā€™t smoke, didnā€™t drink, and followed ALL the rules, got to go to the finest of heavens no matter how good in heart they were.

Mormons: God loves you enough to bless you when you obey his commandments. By the way, hereā€™s a list of the rules. Be perfect and you will get ALL the blessings. Bonus! You wonā€™t have to go to that trashy heaven where all the trashy people are, which might as well be hell.

Baptists: God loves you no matter what you do, as long as youā€™re saved. Sorry to all the murder victims out there who wonā€™t see their murderers punished. You wonā€™t care once youā€™re dead and living in a nicer mansion than your murderer. Sorry to all you folks who never heard of Jesus. Weā€™ll feel sorry for your eternal suffering from above.

Mormons have no mercy.

Baptists have no justice.

Narrator: And the little girl stomped her foot and screamed, ā€œITā€™S JUST NOT FAIR!ā€


So here we go ā€¦

Over the years I have grown in my faith in the Heavenly Parents [hereinafter referred to as Deity] and their love for us, no matter how many times I fall prey to the ā€œIā€™m being punished for not following ALL the rulesā€ mindset. I have grown in my faith that the Deity are all powerful, all seeing, and all knowing.

But thereā€™s the rub. Why would an all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing Deity need to send their only begotten son to atone for our sins? Why would an all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing Deity need their only begotten son to judge us in the last day to decide our eternal fate?

I was thirty-something before I could bring myself to ask this question, though it had been simmering in my mind since I was 8. It was a very painful question to approach, even as delicately as I did. It was an even harder question to form into words to myself. And it was hard as hell all get-out to actually say it out loud and explain my reasoning to somebody. Half my literary oeuvre is dedicated to pondering this topic. By the time I asked the question so baldly in a book, it just made me angry.

This is the question I canā€™t answer and havenā€™t been able to get a satisfactory answer from any Christian of any stripe:

Why would an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present Deity need an intercessor between them and their children to administer justice or grant mercy?